I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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