i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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