I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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