im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize