Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
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Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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