Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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(619): If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library. http://tfl.nu/gs64

Replies (59) Good night (916) Bad night (3599)
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(985): View more from Louisiana

There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.

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(985): There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him. http://tfl.nu/jf24

Replies (48) Good night (627) Bad night (3652) Order T-Shirt
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(573): View more from Missouri

She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.

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(573): She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical. http://tfl.nu/zk2m

Replies (13) Good night (1146) Bad night (2944) Order T-Shirt
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(904): View more from Florida

I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.

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(904): I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year. http://tfl.nu/isyi

Replies (4) Good night (2927) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
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(256): View more from Alabama

I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?

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(256): I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much? http://tfl.nu/gx9s

Replies (4) Good night (2506) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.

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(+44): I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it. http://tfl.nu/jqgn

Replies (4) Good night (1494) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
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(705): View more from Ontario

We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?

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(705): We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL? http://tfl.nu/ejsn

Replies (12) Good night (2711) Bad night (546)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being

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(603): dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being http://tfl.nu/4klh

Replies (1) Good night (817) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
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(613): View more from Ontario

I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.

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(613): I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex. http://tfl.nu/n2c2

Replies (7) Good night (2637) Bad night (483)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.

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(803): I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at. http://tfl.nu/pwf4

Replies (4) Good night (937) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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(631): View more from New York

Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.

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(631): Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner. http://tfl.nu/12fk

Replies (6) Good night (1300) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
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(662): View more from Mississippi

We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.

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(662): We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings. http://tfl.nu/gskc

Replies (7) Good night (903) Bad night (221) Order T-Shirt
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(303): View more from Colorado

We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options

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(303): We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options http://tfl.nu/lflv

Replies (12) Good night (1733) Bad night (298)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness

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(615): A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness http://tfl.nu/k0cp

Replies (1) Good night (398) Bad night (140) Order T-Shirt
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(425): View more from Washington

I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later

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(425): I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later http://tfl.nu/4jkk

Replies (3) Good night (885) Bad night (122) Order T-Shirt

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