found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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