i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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