so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize