If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
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rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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