exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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