My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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