She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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