How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize