I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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