my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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