You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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