I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
we should paint friendship bongs
Come on in and take your pants off
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