If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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