I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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