I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
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your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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