I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sorry about my life...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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