Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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