you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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