I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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