Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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