For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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