First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize