I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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