I just cut my nipple shaving
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize