i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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