OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize