he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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