You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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