You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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