it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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