last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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