I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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