I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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