I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize