didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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