Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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