dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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