jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dicks are not precious.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize