my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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