We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
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we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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