Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
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Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize