i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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