Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize