His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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